


Finding What's Lost

by cutsycat



Category: NCIS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:41:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutsycat/pseuds/cutsycat
Summary: Tony's evening is interrupted with a case. A case that brings up old memories and reminders of pain and a revelation that has him rethinking his relationship with Gibbs.
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo/Jethro Gibbs
Comments: 14
Kudos: 90
Collections: 2020 NCIS Secret Santa Gift Exchange





	Finding What's Lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jane_x80](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/gifts).



Tony let his fingers drift across the keys. A light melodic sound made its way out of the piano. He just let the music move through him, not playing anything specific, letting the song come from his heart as his hands splayed across the ivory and ebony levers. 

A discordant sound filled the air as he pressed down hard on the wrong note unintentionally as his phone crooned out, “Never win first place, I don’t support the team.” The first verse of Don’t Let Me Get Me by Pink continued to fill his apartment as Tony scrambled off of the piano to quickly answer the call from dispatch. “DiNozzo.”

“A body dropped in Rock Creek Park.”

“Again?” Tony couldn’t stop the word or the sigh that escaped his mouth at that.

“Southwest corner.”

“Got it.” Tony didn’t bother writing anything down. They’d gone to Rock Creek Park so many times that the entire team practically had the address and routes memorized.

“How soon can you have someone out to take over the scene? The cops are getting antsy.”

Tony frowned. That wasn’t a good sign. “30 minutes at the latest. I’ll make sure of it.”

The dial tone that followed had Tony shaking his head, but they obviously didn’t have the time for niceties. There was a murder to investigate, now. He shot off a text to McGee and Bishop. If he hadn’t received a response from them by the time he was done calling Gibbs, he’d call them too. 

Holding his phone to his ear with his shoulder, Tony quickly unbuttoned his satin pajama top and slid the pajama pants down too as he made his way to his bedroom. Leaving the clothes in a pile on the floor, Tony grabbed the closest pants and shirt appropriate for a crime scene as he tossed out a quick sitrep to Gibbs. He started pulling on his pants while he waited for Gibbs answering grunt and to hear the click of the phone call ending again.

He tossed the phone onto his bed while he pulled his shirt on and buttoned it up, tucking it into his pants and smoothing it down, so that he looked as put together as he always did and less like he’d been looking forward to a nice quiet night at home for once. He grabbed his phone and checked his messages to see if McGee and Bishop had responded, yet, as his feet carried him to his bathroom. He stopped in front of the mirror and ran a comb through his hair, not bothering with gel because it took too long and instead just using the hair spray to keep his hair in position. 

He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw that both Bishop and McGee had responded that they would be on their way shortly. Tucking the phone into his pocket, Tony grabbed his NCIS jacket and a granola bar just in case. Closing and locking the door behind him, Tony headed for his car and started it up, his gear and go bags already in the trunk.

McGee would pick up the NCIS evidence van on the way out and Bishop would catch a ride with him or come on her own. Gibbs would speed to the crime scene and probably get there before everyone else, but Tony wouldn’t be long after him. Hopefully, he’d arrive before Gibbs pissed off the LEOs to the point where they weren’t willing to work with them. 

It happened a lot less frequently than it used to, but it still happened periodically and the clean up afterwards always made Tony’s job more difficult. He preferred to avoid it whenever possible. He wondered sometimes how McGee would handle it if he were SFA instead of Tony and had to deal with these kinds of personality conflicts due to Gibbs rubbing someone the wrong way. 

McGee had come a long way from the shy timid man he’d been when he first joined, but he still had a way to go to be ready to step into Tony’s shoes as SFA. It was something that was always in the back of Tony’s mind. It was part of his job to train McGee and part of that meant teaching him what he needed to be SFA, so that he didn’t stagnate in his job. 

Things had gotten off track while Ziva was on the team and with Gibbs’ sojourn to Mexico. The entire team was still getting their feet under them again after that trying time, but Tony thought they were finally getting back to a healthy working relationship. Bishop had turned out to be the balancing influence they needed that neither Kate nor Ziva had been. 

Tony pulled the car into a spot and shifted into park, shutting off his thoughts and clearing his mind as he grabbed his gear and headed for the crime scene. From now on, the crime scene would have to take priority over anything else. Tony nodded his head at the police officer that met him and led him the rest of the way to the crime scene, filling him on what details they had so far in a quiet voice.

Tony sent him back to wait for Bishop and McGee, heading over to join Gibbs. The scene was a mess. “What happened here?”

Gibbs just grunted. “You tell me.”

“This is going to be a huge pain to reconstruct. Is this all from one person?” Tony stared at the blood soaking into the ground with dismay. 

“Only one way to find out.”

“I’ll call McGee and have him bring the specialized equipment.” Tony didn’t even want to think about how difficult it was going to be to try to identify their victims with this crime scene. They had one body, but a ton of blood and who knew how many people’s blood that was. Tony hoped it belonged to their victim, but only time would tell. They’d have to test it, all of it, since there was no way to tell if there was more than one person’s blood by looking at it.

Tony narrowed his eyes as he spotted a slip of paper while he called McGee to make sure he and Bishop brought the equipment that would be needed to gather excessive amounts of blood from the ground. Grabbing his gloves and an evidence bag, Tony bent over to pick up the piece of paper that looked out of place in the middle of their crime scene. It was by the body’s foot like they’d tried to kick it away or something before they died. Or perhaps the murderer had placed it there hoping it would be overlooked. 

Tony listened to the call connect and barked at McGee to grab the equipment they needed. While waiting for McGee’s confirmation that he understood, Tony read the note and gasped.

“Tony? What happened?”

Tony registered that McGee’s voice had gone up an octave. A general indication that McGee had tried to get his attention a couple of times already. “Sorry. It’s nothing. Just get here as soon as you can with the equipment, McSnail.”

“Are you sure you’re okay, Tony?”

“I’m fine, McWorry. I promise.”

“Ok. We’ll head out once we get the rest of the equipment. 25 minutes tops, Tony.”

“Hurry, McGee.” Tony said, his voice sounding strange even to himself. If he had to put a name to the emotion he was feeling right now it would probably be fear, but that was wrong. He was a federal agent. There was nothing for him to be afraid of.

“DiNozzo,” Gibbs snapped.

Tony blinked back to himself and turned to look at Gibbs. “Boss?”

“What do you have?”

Tony handed the note to Gibbs not knowing how to explain the feeling of dread he had upon seeing it. He wondered if Gibbs felt the same thing he did or if it didn’t bother him in the slightest.

“Dear future husband,  
I’ll be your one and only all the time.  
But you’re not mine. Are you?”

Tony didn’t understand why those words had shaken him so much. There was something in the back of his mind that told him he knew exactly what those words meant and why he was so scared, but he didn’t remember. It was like opening up a book and knowing exactly how it was going to end after reading the first page despite never having read the book before.

Gibbs shot Tony a look as if trying to figure out where his mind was. “DiNozzo?”

Tony pressed the feelings down, shoving them into a box in the back of his mind to deal with later. He couldn’t afford to be distracted, right now. He needed to do his job, but he couldn’t shake the fear permeating every single cell of his body.

He avoided it, taking photos of the scene and falling back into the rhythm of procedure. McGee and Bishop arrived a few minutes later, setting up the equipment for the blood and shooting Tony looks of concern. Tony ignored those looks too. He was fine. He’d have to be.

It wasn’t until they were all back at the office and waiting for results that he realized how much his mask had slipped. They hadn’t even made it to the bullpen before McGee and Bishop were cornering him. 

“What’s wrong, Tony?”

“Nothing.” Tony shoved past them both going to his desk and focusing on his work, keeping his head down. He could feel the worried glances, but he continued to pretend it wasn’t happening. No one said anything for a long time, but the tension was obvious and Tony could hear the whisperings from other teams around the bullpen about what was going on.

Finally, Tony couldn’t take it anymore. Standing up quickly, he disappeared in the direction of the restroom. Splashing water on his face, Tony took a deep breath. He couldn’t afford to fall apart in front of all of his coworkers. 

This wasn’t anything different than normal. He was fine. He repeated that everything was ok over and over again until he could return to the bullpen without feeling a suffocating need to cry. 

He could feel the glances as soon as he exited the bathroom, but he kept a smile firmly on his face as he returned to his desk. Eventually, everyone quieted down and things returned to normal. Tony hoped that meant that people had forgotten the earlier happenings. As the end of the day rolled around and Gibbs finally dismissed them while they waited for Abby’s babies to run, Tony discovered just how wrong he was in his assumption.

“DiNozzo, with me,” Gibbs barked.

Tony sighed, but gathered his things and followed Gibbs to the elevator. Neither of them said anything as it carried them down to the parking garage. As they exited the elevator, Gibbs offered a curt, “My place. 15 minutes.”

Tony rolled his eyes at the order, but knew better than to ignore it. That would just result in Gibbs being pissed off and chasing Tony down to demand the answers anyway. Unfortunately, Tony didn’t think he had any answers for Gibbs, so who knew what this night would bring.

Tony’s mind whirred, not stopping to process anything, just spinning as he made his way through the heavy traffic to Gibbs’ house. Tony couldn’t remember the last time he’d been at Gibbs’ place. Probably, the last time was Christmas of last year. 

In the early years, Tony had been over to Gibbs’ place at least once a week if not more frequently. They’d never been lovers, but that hadn’t stopped Tony from falling for Gibbs. Tony avoided the house the entire time Gibbs was in Mexico and even after Gibbs returned, it took many months for Tony to visit again. When he finally did, he’d discovered that while he was still welcome, Gibbs’ silence no longer met his needs. After that, his visits had become more irregular and they’d grown further and further apart since Gibbs only ever visited Tony if something was wrong or he wasn’t answering his phone.

Tony stepped out of his car and slowly made his way to Gibbs’ door. He missed the easy relationship they had when it was the two of them against the world. Tony wasn’t sure what had happened, but sometime between Kate and Ziva and Mexico everything had become difficult. Tony knew that Gibbs still cared about him or at least as much as he cared about any of his subordinates, but their communication had fallen to only what was necessary. 

If Tony didn’t show up, Gibbs would call and make sure he was ok. If Tony ended up in the hospital, Gibbs would check on him and make sure he was recovering and had a guard if the situation warranted it. If Tony needed to talk, Gibbs would still listen. Gibbs cared, but their relationship had changed.

Where once was an easy friendship, now resided a veritable minefield that they had to navigate to recover anything resembling a friendship. Tony couldn’t help wondering if Gibbs actually thought their relationship was worth trying to recover. Tony knew that there’d been a gaping Gibbs shaped hole in his life ever since Mexico. The hurt buried deep and the wound’s infection grew with every day that passed where nothing was done to heal it.

At first, Tony had tried to ignore the wound. He’d had to run the team, after all. Then when Gibbs had dumped all of Tony’s stuff back on his desk, the hurt had begun to fester. 

Tony had tried to let it go on his own. It had been obvious that Gibbs was drowning in his own difficulties and really couldn’t focus on anything except his own healing. Tony tried to tell himself it didn’t matter, but it did. He knew it did.

At this point in time, he didn’t expect an apology. He didn’t expect that his feelings would ever be addressed. He fully expected the love he felt for Gibbs to be smothered out of existence by the gaping hole in his heart that continued to contaminate everything he felt. As he pushed the door open, Tony wondered what more this day would bring.

“Dinner will be here shortly.”

Tony nodded and took a seat on the couch. He wasn’t volunteering anything. Gibbs ordered him here. Gibbs could start the heavy conversation. 

The truth was Tony was tired of words. They never meant anything anyway. His father had taught him that. 

The man took con to a new level. Even their life as father and son had been one big con with Senior pulling him out of his box when a display child was appropriate, but otherwise ignoring him. He told the public, close friends, and anyone else that he loved his son, but his actions never backed it up. 

Tony had briefly known what love felt like when his mother was still alive, but she passed when he was still at the young age of 8 and ever since then love had been nothing more than a memory or something painful over the years, including now. He’d originally been attracted to Gibbs because he’d always been more a man of action than words. It was a lot harder to lie through actions than through words, though Tony knew it was possible to lie via actions too. He’d done it enough times undercover to know how it worked, but Gibbs had never struck him as one of those people who made a habit of lying with his actions. His words were another matter entirely, but fortunately those were few and far between.

Tony shook his head. He couldn’t be mad at Gibbs. They’d never been more than friends. It wasn’t Gibbs' fault that he had always wanted more. 

Or rather, he couldn’t be mad at Gibbs for not returning his feelings. There were plenty of things that happened over the years that Tony was mad at Gibbs for and those were perfectly valid. Tony sighed as he purposefully broke himself out of his maudlin thoughts, his eyes naturally seeking Gibbs in an attempt to try and see what was going through the other’s mind. He was surprised to see those eyes staring back at him with what looked like regret, but the expression disappeared almost as soon as Tony realized what it was. 

Both of them startled at the knock on the door. Gibbs was the first to move. “That’s probably dinner.”

Tony just waited on the couch for Gibbs to return with the food. He was still no closer to understanding why he was here than when he’d first arrived. Despite his plan to make Gibbs start the conversation, Tony couldn’t help asking as he realized exactly what pizza Gibbs had ordered, “Are you trying to butter me up for something?”

Gibbs shook his head sadly. “No.”

“Then why did you order my favorite pizza?” Tony demanded.

“I miss your smile.”

“What?”

Gibbs just shrugged and Tony knew that that topic would be closed for the rest of the evening. With a grumble, he grabbed a slice of pizza and folded himself into a corner of the couch to wait out Gibbs. He knew the guy had the patience of a sniper, but even snipers had to pull the trigger eventually. 

Tony had surprised himself by polishing off the entire pepperoni, sausage, and extra cheese pizza by himself. Gibbs had finished off a meat lover’s pizza as well. Tony figured that they both were hungry as they hadn’t really had time for lunch that day. The end result was no left over pizza and an awkward silence that Tony was determined not to fill.

Finally Gibbs spoke, though his words weren’t at all what Tony expected to hear. “What happened to us?”

“What do you mean?”

Gibbs gestured between the two of them. “You haven’t visited in over a year, Tony.”

“Oh that.”

“Yes, that.” Gibbs glared.

“We grew apart,” Tony offered quietly and simply.

“Bullshit,” Gibbs growled. “You drew back from me and I want to know why, DiNozzo.”

Tony closed his eyes. He wasn’t ready to talk about this. He wasn’t sure he ever would be. He subtly shook his head. 

“Tell me, Tony,” Gibbs whispered, his tone almost begging.

Tony opened his eyes, staring at Gibbs before he finally made a decision. “You left me.”

Gibbs tilted his head in confusion, but Tony wasn’t in the mood to explain. Gibbs seemed to understand this as he switched tactics, “What happened at the crime scene?”

“I don’t know, Gibbs.” Tony couldn’t help the shiver as the dread he’d buried from earlier returned full force.

“Talk to me, Tony.”

When Tony remained silent, Gibbs tried again, “Something caught your attention. Walk me through it.”

Tony blew out a breath. “The note reminded me of something.”

“What?”

Tony grabbed his hair. “I don’t know. I’ve been racking my brain all day trying to figure it out. If I knew I would have already told you.”

“A case? Personal?”

Tony thought about it, trying to figure out if one of those felt right. Finally, he shrugged, “Both? Neither? I’m not sure, Gibbs.”

“Undercover then?” Gibbs mused.

“No,” Tony immediately replied and then he froze. “Wait. Maybe it was of sorts?”

“Tony?” Gibbs prodded.

“Was it all a lie?” Tony murmured, mostly to himself.

“What? Tony?”

“That’s what Jeanne said to me when my cover was broken.”

“Tony? You’re not making any sense. What does Benoit have to do with anything?”

“You know she pulled me aside during that case we worked where we asked about a leg in Sudan that found its way onto our victim?”

Gibbs silently shook his head.

“Yeah. She’s married now, but she told me she’d really loved me and would have married me if I’d shown any signs of wanting her.”

“You never said anything.”

“Why would I? We haven’t talked about anything outside of NCIS in years. Not unless it was me rambling about something because no one else would understand.”

“Tony,” Gibbs sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Tony flinched. “What? Why are you breaking your own rules?”

“Because sometimes I’m wrong. I hurt you by not trusting you and I’m sorry.”

Tony shook his head. He didn’t know what to do with that information and he didn’t want to get distracted from telling Gibbs about something that might turn out to be a key piece of information for their case. “Anyway that’s neither here nor there. Apparently, she’d been watching me throughout that case.”

Gibbs frowned. Tony wished he knew what was going through Gibbs mind as he continued, “She told me in a final parting shot that I was her one and only, but that it was obvious she wasn’t mine and that I should tell him.”

“Tell who?”

Tony shrugged. “I have no idea, but apparently some interaction she saw made her think I already loved someone, but the way she phrased it is so similar to the note. I had forgotten, but I knew the note sounded familiar and that’s why.”

Gibbs hummed. “Do you think Jeanne’s behind the killings?”

Tony looked at Gibbs helplessly. “I have no idea. I don’t want her to be. She always seemed so innocent, but she did seem to blame me for her father’s death and hold a grudge and she was so different after marrying that guy that I don’t know what to think anymore. If she is, what do we do? We have no proof either way, right now.”

“What if we pretend to be getting married? If this is some kind of attempt at getting revenge on you for not loving her that would draw her out, right?”

Tony’s brain ground to a halt. “What? You want to pretend to be married?”

Gibbs shrugged. “It’s not like I’m looking to add a fifth Mrs. Gibbs anytime soon and if this is really who’s behind the killing it’s a good way to draw her out without risking any civilians.”

“Gibbs. Do you know what this would mean? We’d have to spend even more time together.”

“So?”

“Right? This means nothing to you. It’s just an undercover assignment. I can do this,” Tony muttered. “I better go.”

“Tony!” Gibbs protested. “We need to talk about this.”

Tony declined, “No. We need to focus on this case. After all, there are many other people besides Jeanne that could be behind this.” With those words, Tony quickly vanished out the door before Gibbs could say anything further to him. There was so much left unspoken between them, but Tony couldn’t think about it now. 

The next day at work, Tony hoped that Abby or McGee or anyone really would have found something else to go on. Some other lead they could work to solve this case. Anything that didn’t involve Tony pretending to be planning a wedding with the one person he’d actually consider marrying.

Unfortunately, while there were multiple blood types, they had no idea if they were victims or the killer at this point in time. One of them did match their victim, but Abby was still chasing down the rest. Tony frowned as he stared at his computer and tried to find any evidence of who else it could be besides Jeanne. He could feel Gibbs’ eyes on him and that just made him more nervous. 

“DiNozzo, my office.” Gibbs barked.

Tony glanced over at Gibbs as he vanished into the elevator before standing up and slowly following him, trying not to give off the impression that he was going to his own funeral even though he felt that way. “Right away, boss.”

“Have Abs check if Benoit’s blood type matches, “ Gibbs ordered, followed by a quick intonation, “Coffee.” 

Tony grumbled, “On it.”

He got off at Abs’ floor, leaving Gibbs to continue his journey in the elevator. 

“Tony!” 

“Hey Abs,” Tony half-heartedly answered.

“What’s wrong? Tell Auntie Abs all your troubles.” Abby hugged Tony tightly, forcing the breath out of his lungs.

“Gibbs wants you to check if any of the unidentified blood types are O negative.”

“Why?”

“He’s playing a hunch.”

Abby pulled up the results of the blood tests she did earlier. “Yes. It is.”

“Female DNA?” Tony prodded.

Abby frowned at the results, “Yes. How did you know?”

“Don’t worry about it for now.” Tony turned to leave.

“Wait!” Abby ordered before Tony could make it out the door. “Stop right there, mister. What’s going on? Why did you think there might be a female O negative blood type?”

Tony let his shoulders slump a little, feeling morose, as he turned back to face Abby. If he didn’t tell her something, she’d just follow him back to the bullpen and he really didn’t want McGee and Bishop to find out this way. “It’s probably nothing, Abs.”

“Nope. Spill, Tony.”

“Look. I promise I’ll tell you everything after the case. I don’t want rumors getting around, especially if the hunch turns out to be wrong.” Before Tony could say anything further, Tony quickly made his way back to the bullpen. He called Gibbs on the way and let him know that Jeanne couldn’t be ruled out. He’d listened to Gibbs telling him that he’d put in for a marriage license before he’d hung up without saying anything. 

Maybe it would be better if he talked to Jeanne alone. He really didn’t want to damage her reputation anymore than it already had been. He couldn’t imagine that Gibbs’ plan to play fiances would really bring her out even if she was the killer. 

Tony looked up Jeanne’s address to make sure she hadn’t moved since the last time he’d been to her house. Writing down the new address, Tony headed out. 

“Tony?” McGee looked up in confusion. “Where are you going?”

“Tell Gibbs I’m going to question a suspect.”

“What?” McGee protested, when Tony didn’t offer anything further, he continued to yell, “Tony, stop!”

“What suspect?” Bishop called after Tony.

“Gibbs will know what I’m talking about,” Tony called back. He had no interest in explaining anything to McGee and Bishop when they had no proof. He trusted that Gibbs would make sure he had backup if it turned out to be needed. 

Tony took a deep breath as he knocked on the door that he’d found for Jeanne. He had no idea what was going to happen. He hoped that Jeanne would tell him what a fool he’d been and get mad for even considering her as a possible suspect.

“Can we talk?” Tony asked, after Jeanne opened the door.

Jeanne graciously stepped back and gestured Tony inside. Tony followed her inside. She closed the door behind him and then led the way to the couch.

“What’s this about?” Jeanne asked.

“You’re divorced now?” Tony blurted.

Jeanne shrugged. “He wasn’t a good replacement for you.”

“How are you still hung up on me? Even if you count the undercover op that was over 10 years ago.”

“You know, my father always made sure I got whatever I wanted. You’re the one that got away, Tony. Are you here because you finally realized you had feelings for me?”

Tony shook his head. “No. I did once, but I’ve been over you for almost 8 years.”

“Don’t lie to me, Tony.”

“Why do you think I’m lying?”

“You told me it was just a job, that it wasn’t real. Plus, I saw the way you looked at Gibbs during the second case.”

Tony said nothing. He wasn’t about to admit anything further to this woman that he had once trusted, but was now starting to believe fully capable of murder.

“Now then, if you’re not here to get back together with me, why are you really here?”

“I just need to know where you were Monday between the hours of 2am and 4am.”

“Are you accusing me of something, Tony?”

“No. I just want to prove your innocence.”

“That’s sweet, Tony, but I know how these things work. I was home alone, asleep, but since no one can verify that, it doesn’t prove much.”

Before Tony could respond another knock sounded on the door. Jeanne’s brow furrowed, but she got up and moved to the door. “You!” Jeanne gasped. “What are you doing here?”

“Is DiNozzo here?”

“Gibbs?” Tony murmured. He hadn’t been gone that long. Why would Gibbs be here?

“No!” Jeanne shouted, slamming the door. 

Tony jumped to his feet. “Jeanne?”

“You’re mine, Tony.” She grabbed his hand and started dragging him away from the door. Tony heard the front door burst inward and attempted to yank his hand out of Jeanne’s grip. He’d just about managed it when she shoved him down the stairs.

He landed in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs and heard the door close and lock above him. He pulled his gun out just in case. “What the hell, Jeanne?”

“If you won’t be my husband, you won’t be anyone else’s either. Especially not that grumpy Marine’s.”

Before Tony could make sense of what she said or contemplate if Gibbs had heard it, the door slammed open and Gibbs could be seen peering down at them both. “Drop your weapon,” Gibbs ordered Jeanne. 

Instead of listening, she fired her gun and Gibbs had to dodge the shot. “What do you see in that guy, anway, Tony? He’s a bastard. You deserve better.”

Tony really wanted to pretend this wasn’t happening, but with Gibbs and Jeanne facing off, there wasn’t any way even he could deny what was happening before his eyes. Aiming at Jeanne, Tony barked, “Enough. We’re not talking about this. Now surrender.” 

Jeanne wasn’t listening though. She just started shooting at him as well as Gibbs. Gibbs took advantage of her distraction with Tony to shoot and nail her in the hip. “You bastard!” Jeanne screamed as she went down.

Tony quickly locked her arms behind her back with handcuffs. Then he looked up at Gibbs. “Why are you here, boss?”

“Abby found some evidence that clearly pointed to her.”

“You shouldn’t keep stuff like this from us, Tony.” McGee berated as he entered from the garage. 

“Great.” His humiliation was complete. Everyone on the team had heard. There was no way that they wouldn’t put two and two together and figure out that Tony had been in love with Gibbs for years. Tony cringed as he watched Gibbs interrogate Jeanne, each word out of her mouth only sealing his fate. 

As soon as the interrogation was over, he disappeared. He didn’t care if the work day wasn’t done, yet. They found their killer and the reports could wait until tomorrow. He needed out of there now before anyone tried to question him about anything that came tumbling out of Jeanne Benoit’s mouth.

Tony slammed back another shot. He didn’t even know what he was drinking anymore. He’d told the bartender to surprise him and then just kept gesturing for more. 

He kept hoping that if he drank enough that he’d forget the memories that Jeanne had dredged up. The pain that he’d felt when Gibbs had left for Mexico. The hurt when he’d been sidelined after Gibbs returned without so much as a thank you. All things he’d shared with Jeanne in confidence as he’d had nowhere else to turn at the time. 

He had no idea what the rest of the team thought about him and he didn’t want to know. He just wanted to forget about Jeanne, forget about his love for Gibbs, and move on with his life. He wanted to go into work tomorrow and behave like nothing had happened. 

“Was it true?” A familiar voice interrupted.

Tony sighed and turned to face Gibbs. Apparently, he wouldn’t be getting anything that he wanted right now. “Was what true?”

Gibbs glared.

Tony frowned and then grumbled. “So what if it was? It doesn’t change anything. Go away. Everything will go back to normal by tomorrow. I know you’ve never felt that way about me.”

Tony blinked as all thought processes in his head stopped after Gibbs grabbed his hand. Why was Gibbs even grabbing his hand? “We should talk somewhere else.”

“Why?” Tony protested belligerently. 

“Because I’m in love with you,” Gibbs said with more sincerity than Tony had ever seen from him and a press of a kiss to Tony’s hand.

“What?”

Gibbs’ smile turned self-deprecating. “I have been for a while, but well I’m your boss. It wasn’t appropriate and you never showed any signs that you were interested, especially after Mexico.”

“You’re right. We should talk about this elsewhere, preferably when I’m more sober.”

“How about tomorrow night? We can go to your favorite italian place?” Gibbs asked. Tony could hear the hopefulness in his voice.

Not having any idea what was going on anymore, Tony mumbled, “Like a date?”

“I would like that.”

“Sure.” Tony muttered, the phrase what the hell tumbling through his mind as he tried to make sense of what was happening. He had a date with Gibbs? He knew that one date wouldn’t fix anything. That they still had a lot they had to talk about and work through before he’d really be comfortable giving Gibbs his complete trust, but for once he really hoped that this was the start of a Christmas miracle for him.

He couldn’t help feeling like this was the start of an epiphany that he would experience the truth of for years to come. After all, he’d never thought Gibbs would return his feelings, but here in this bar he found that to be wrong. Even though he knew they needed to talk more, he couldn’t let Gibbs go without proof through actions that this was what Gibbs wanted. Tony looped his free hand around Gibbs neck and pulled him into a deep kiss, his face breaking out into a smile as he felt Gibbs return it.

Of course, a kiss didn’t mean as much as some other actions, but it was a start. Most of all, Tony was starting to believe that his feelings were returned. That there was actually a chance for the two of them and that all the hurt he’d experienced had simply been a misunderstanding due to lack of communication. It was something they’d have to work on, but the fact that Gibbs had taken the time to find him. The fact that he was here. Tony knew that meant something and that unlike Tony, Gibbs wasn’t drunk and would show him tomorrow through his actions and maybe even his words just how much he loved Tony.

He’d been trying to crush the spark inside of him that loved Gibbs for years, but he’d never been able to do so, despite the fact that he didn’t expect Gibbs would ever love him back the way he loved Gibbs. That spark had turned into a full blown flame flaring inside of Tony from Gibbs words and actions tonight. He couldn’t help feeling a touch of regret that he’d never said something sooner, that he’d tried to crush it instead of nurturing it like he apparently should have been all along. 

Tony didn’t order anymore drinks after Gibbs left. Instead, he made his way home and curled up in his bed. His thoughts filled with what it would be like on their date tomorrow. Hopes, wishes, and dreams prancing about in his head as he fell asleep.

When he woke up the next morning, he had a text from Gibbs asking if Lubella’s was still his favorite. Tony replied with a simple yes, but his heart jumped at the knowledge that not only did Gibbs remember his favorite Italian restaurant, but Gibbs was serious about taking Tony there. Gibbs wasn’t kidding. He genuinely wanted to date Tony.

In the very next breath, he told himself to slow down. To not get his hopes up too high. They needed to build a proper foundation of trust, love, and communication. Which unfortunately meant that they needed to talk about not only Tony’s pain and hurt, but Gibbs too. Tony may have forgiven Gibbs already because he loved him, but that didn’t mean that it was forgotten and Tony wasn’t about to start this relationship by giving Gibbs all the power. Gibbs would have to actually be willing to seek forgiveness for the hurt he’d caused and Tony would do the same. It was the only way that Tony would be able to actually trust Gibbs’ actions and feelings.

Tony would fight tooth and nail for this relationship now that they had a chance, but he expected Gibbs to do the same. He’d learned that even the best person in the world would run roughshod over you if you let them. That wasn’t a mistake he was going to make again, but he couldn’t help the feeling in his gut that told him this time everything was going to work out exactly the way he wanted. That this was a Christmas miracle he’d never expected, but would last well beyond the holidays. He couldn’t wait for Gibbs to show him that he was willing to fight for this relationship too. The bar had been a good start, but Tony knew that Gibbs could do better and he would make sure he did.

He couldn’t help the smile as he headed out the door for what most would consider the dreaded Christmas work day as he considered what they’d tell everyone about how they got together. How Tony’s undercover ex had shown them their true feelings for each other in the middle of a case that somehow resulted in Tony’s dreams coming true. He didn’t even care that they were scheduled to work Christmas anymore because he would get to spend Christmas with the one person he’d wanted to spend Christmas with for the last 10 years of his life and it wouldn’t stop when work was finished. 

Of course, Tony did his best to wipe the big smile off of his face before he walked into the bullpen. He could see McGee and Bishop’s confusion about the change in his attitude, but they didn’t ask. In fact, when it was time to leave for the day they wished him a Merry Christmas and told him that they were glad to see his smile again. 

Tony turned to face Gibbs after they left and grinned at the answering smile he saw on Gibbs’ face. It was going to be a good night. He just knew it.


End file.
